Who Knows...?

"Who knows?  It's only just out of reach, round the block, on the beach, under a tree?!"

Who DOES know?  Lately it's become apparent to me that I know very little of any consequence.  I feel for some reason as if the Lord is asking me, "Do you trust me?".  I've been thinking about that phrase all day.  "Do you trust me?"
  I believe the Lord knows me better than I know myself.  I have this plan in my head of who I want to be and the typical idea-filled thought of where I want to be in 10 years.  Ten years?  I could be anywhere.  Isn't that what is so beautiful though?  We have infinite potential.  If I wanted to I could work my butt off and become a physical therapist or psychologist.  I could choose to be a waitress or a stamp collector.  A mother.  A caretaker.  The best wife in the whole world.  So why live up to only my expectations?  The Lord does know everyone, and I know he knows me.  He knows what will make me happy before I even think about it, and if I trust in Him, He will lead me to those things that will make me the MOST happy, and He already has.

Who knows?  The Lord does.

A very wise woman said to me once, "If you don't like your consequences, change your choices."  Imagine if the whole world believed this.  No one could place the blame of their circumstances on anyone else but themselves.  The truth comes down to this:  We make ourselves who we want to be, it's just a matter of what type of self we choose to settle for.  If we want to be more understanding, try looking at the view of the person who we're judging.  If we want to be more friendly, we should smile more and work to be more of the person we would want to be best friends with.  So why not choose happiness???

The Lord knows our potential.  All we have to do is turn to Him to help direct our choices so we can be more happy with our consequences.

Attraversiamo

I've realized that I am coming to a unique point in my life--a point where I say "attraversiamo", which in Italian means "let's cross over".  I am getting married.  I am crossing over into a new division of my life that will help me to rediscover myself in new ways.  I must admit that after watching "Eat. Pray. Love." today, my head is spinning with ideas and thoughts that I almost feel I cannot dictate or explain.

In committing myself to someone else completely, I realize that I may never live out my dreams.  They are all so big.  It's not a matter of giving up on them--I'm not.  But I know that as I grow with someone else my dreams will change, just like me.  So here is the part where I confess my longings, both worldly and spiritual and personal.  I want to create something beautiful.  Nothing specific--it could be creating the greatest love anyone has ever been able to contain in their soul for just one person, or writing a masterpiece that holds within itself the ability to touch everyone that hears it.  I want to have a family.  To feel the togetherness that is only felt in the dynamic where everyone can love and even accept each other despite their choices and differences.  I want to travel to some of the most beautiful and even remote places of the world--to live in Italy in a little old cottage that is part of a comfortably small community--family.  To visit the Louvre in Paris every day until I have gotten my fill of all the works that have made men marvel at their beauty for centuries.  I want to gain the talent, knowledge, and courage to perform in an opera in front of a thousand people.  I want to learn Italian, French, and Spanish.  I want to learn how to sew and make a huge patchwork quilt of tangible memories.

I want all of this and so much more.  My friend asked me if I realized how big of a commitment marriage is.  I answer yes.  Marriage will be work, and I am sure that I may never get to see the Louvre or visit my Italian cottage, but I am ready for new dreams.  Dreams with someone else in them who loves and appreciates me and respects me in every way.  I believe--no, I know--that I have found that man.  I am grateful for him every day.  So, attraversiamo!  Let's do it!!  Here's to new dreams and new beginnings.

surroundings

This week is FINALS week at college, which is supposed to be the craziest time of the semester.  I, however, am enjoying a week of choosing my own schedule and learning at my own pace.  Finals is the week that I can push myself as far as I desire.  Either I can choose to stress over things, or I can put a smile on and study happily.  It has made the biggest difference not only this week, but in my life.  When I reflect on all of the difficult things I've had to do in my life, I can easily see how when I was trying to be happy I was!  I surrounded myself by happy people and through things that will help me to deal with my stress in a positive way.  It makes it much easier to go through days, wake up in the morning, head off for a test, or simply deal with yourself!  Why surround yourself with things and people that cloud out your rays of sunshine and enthusiasm?  IT"S NOT WORTH IT!!! LET IT GO!!!  I am choosing today how I want to react to the life situations that are being thrown at me.  I want to be happy, jubilant, sing-song-ee, and all out excited to live, and that starts TODAY!

A Big, Black and White Day

As of a few weeks ago, I am preparing for a big black & white day: my wedding!  That's right, I'm getting married!  Married!  Part of my mind is still in complete shock, but it's definitely happening.  In case any of you want to know, we are getting married August 12, 2011 with the colors of--you guessed it!--black and white.  Since most of my life has been spent admiring the big band era and jazz with Ella Fitzgerald, Brandon and I decided to make our wedding day memorable.  I'm going dress shopping this weekend with my mother and two sisters, which is going to be one LONG girls' day.  Yikes!  I'll keep you all updated on the planning, and pictures of ridiculous dresses will be posted in a few weeks.  Wish us luck! I'm getting married!

The Medicine of Music

     A brilliant and inspired young woman shared a story in the Women's Chorus devotional a few weeks ago that really got my mind turning.  Over the past year or so, I have been trying to answer the question of what music means to me.  Do I truly want to make it my career?  If so, why?  Should I teach or perform?  What is it that makes music so special to me personally?  

     The young woman shared a story of a highly intelligent woman.  As a high school student, she was very diligent in her studies, and her family was very hopeful that she would have a bright future.  Everyone in her family had attended medical school or law school--forging their way into a life of professional success.  This young woman received high scores on her ACT and SAT, and chose a very prestigious college.  When she announced to her family that she was going into music performance, they were shocked.  They told her that she was wasting her good test scores to have a selfish, unsuccessful career.  This young woman persevered.  She did indeed attend college as a vocal performer and went on to lead a highly successful career.  In the book that she published, she shared her reasoning behind choosing music.  She said that music is of equal importance to math and science.  While she is not performing heart surgeries, healing broken bones, or prescribing medication, she IS, however, letting the music she performs heal broken hearts, mend sadness, repair souls, and medicate the mind.  The world places little importance on the inward healing that we all need.  Music sees that importance and serves its purpose as the medicine for our souls--something no amount of modern medicine could hope to fix.  

     I love music.  I've always had it to be my companion in times of both sadness and happiness.  It has been my mental medicine, and I have had the wonderful opportunity to witness it heal lives.  My Heavenly Father has given me a true gift, and I'm grateful for it everyday.  

Love your Neighbors

Unfortunately, Friday was the last day for Love Week.  Tragic!  The theme for the day was "Love your Neighbors".  I felt that was completely worth ending the week with.  What is more important than loving others? In choir we had the chance to hug all of the girls sitting next to or around us.  Love makes the biggest difference in our interactions with others.  If we love people it shows in our actions, words, and our faces!  I love to love people.  There's just something about knowing that you were the person who gave a friend a hug on their rough day, or who left them a kind note of thanks that they didn't expect.  When we love others, there is no way that we could regret it.  The Lord blesses those who strive to be like Him, and He loves everyone!

Favorite Love Poem

i carry your heart with me i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling) i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true) and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart) Edward Estlin Cummings What strikes me about this poem is probably pretty obvious.  It's beautiful!  Sometimes I wonder, who else is carrying someone in their heart?  There have to be more people than just me!  It's "the deepest secret" that we all have written on our hearts.  Someone is there and with us always.  Whether that is a friend, family member, or significant other, that love can be taken anywhere.  Who is the most world-traveled person ever? LOVE!  What's even more special is that Love grows.  Poet e.e. cummings puts it just right.  It grows "higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide".  I'm constantly amazed by the world's ability to love.  No matter what kind of horror is occurring somewhere in the world, at the same moment someone else is being loved completely.  That gives me hope for the type of society and zion that we can have.  It's possible.  It only takes one person to love another and then let the cycle continue until the whole world is glowing with the strongest, purest love mankind has ever known.